I need her
by darkprincess40
Summary: From Santana's point of view on how she fell in love with Brittany. Not everything goes as planned though. Deep, interesting, and insightful on how Santana thinks and feels.
1. Chapter 1

**So, this is a pretty short chapter just introducing the idea of how this story was going to be. I was kind of interested in seeing the inside of Santana and how she really thinks. We all know how she acts bitchy on the outside, but I think people want to see her vulnerability on the inside. There's not too much dialogue, but that could change. Anyway, please give me reviews so I know whether I should continue and upload the second chapter (which is already written.) Thanks!**

**P.S. I rated this T just to be safe :) **

Me and Brittany had been friends since we were 5. I honestly can't remember even how we became friends, but all I remember is we somehow molded each other to fit perfectly together. Kind of like how harmoniously peanut butter and jelly go together. That's how we were. She knew me better than anyone else and I knew her the same exact way. She knew I wasn't really a bitch all the time. I had a softer side. No one got to see it though. I guess that's the way I wanted it. Because I didn't have to be a bitch I chose to be that way. It was basically all about my reputation. I wanted to be popular. I strived for it.

Brittany is the only one who ever really got me. Sure, I had other friends like Quinn and there had been others in the past, but it's just this way about her. You can't really explain it; it's just the way things are sometimes. We were the closest people each other had. I guess that can turn into something more pretty quickly.

It was the night before our freshman year at McKinley and we had both decided we wanted to be cheerleaders. "We have to be the top bitches of this school," I said. Brittany looked at me and nodded her head. I knew she didn't really care about popularity. She was just doing it because I wanted her too and she knew I wanted it. But, I appreciated that because who else other than your best friend would do something like that for you.

We were lying in my bed cuddling because that's what we've been doing since we met. There was a closeness about us that just couldn't be explained. It started even when we were little. My parents weren't really around all that much and when they were we didn't really talk. So she was the one over my house all the time and we hung out as much as possible. The bad thing about that, though, was that you tend to fight quite often when you're that close to a person. I truly hate fighting with her, but it just tends to happen. Sometimes people get on your nerves. Like how your parents get on your nerves and your brothers and sisters do too cause you're with them constantly. Well we were like sisters so that's just the way it was. Most of the time it didn't last past a day because we would apologize to each other. I'm not the type to let my feelings show. Everyone knows it. But, to her I let a little bit of it  
>out.<p>

You see, I just put on a front to people. A huge giant front that almost nobody can break down. I guess it's because I don't want people to know who I really am. And who is that? I don't even know the answer to that question. In  
>time we'll see though.<p>

Brittany was stroking my hair now and she knew I love's when she does that. "I know that in High School everything will change. I know it's different then Junior High. And I know people change. But, I just want you to know that I don't want us to change. We just can't. No matter what happens and all the drama and shit we always have to be by each other sides. Pinky swear?" I couldn't believe Brittany said all that. I knew she wasn't stupid no matter what other people said. They just saw the exterior of her. Sure, maybe her grades weren't that good. But, there's so much more to people then grades. You have to be smart at life. You have to know how to talk to people and Brittany knew just how to do that.

I looked into her beautiful sparkling blue eyes and said, "Pinky swear, Britt" and we locked pinky's with each other. That's how it all started. I knew that there was more to us then we portrayed. But, at least for me, we were just scared. We hadn't realized it yet, though. We didn't know there was anything more to us then just being best friends. "I love you San," she whispered still stroking my hair. I smiled softly to myself with my eyes close and I replied quietly, "Love you to Britt." We both fell asleep in each other's arms just how it was meant to be.

**Well, there you have it. I hope you enjoyed and please REVIEW! Bye for now :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, I haven't gotten any reviews, but I figured for any people who ARE reading this I'd upload the second chapter. Once again it's not too long. I'm going to slowly develop Santana's feelings and I want to make it seem realistic. I hope you like this chapter.**

Not that many people know, but I have a sister named Ashley and she's 11. She's not really like me in the fact that she's pretty shy and doesn't have many friends. Well, I guess I don't either, but I have one that counts. There's this thing inside of me where I have to be mean to her. I don't even know why, but in a way its fun. And I know that's really mean and I know I shouldn't do it, but I can't even help it. It's just the way things happened. My parents are barely home so usually it's me and her, but we tend to keep to ourselves so were both alone most of the time. I know she probably needs me and we do have our moments of sisterly closeness, but not often.

That morning she barged into my room screaming, "Wake up San it's our first days of school. Wake up! Wake up!" I was immediately irritated and Brittany was too nice to show any sort of annoyance. I stood up and pushed her out of my room saying something like leave me the hell alone and slammed the door shut.

I looked at Brittany and said, "She is the most annoying fucking person I've ever met." I know that she would never agree with me because that would be mean, but I just had to say it.

"No she's not San, you know you love her regardless of what you might think," Britt said to me. I knew she was right and I loved her for calming me down and showing me the true side of things. What really mattered. She was such a reasonable person. I just had all this bottled up anger that I took out on other people. I don't even know what it was from. Sometimes I think there are people that know you so much better then you even know yourself. It was definitely true.

"Your right, I should go apologize, shouldn't I?" I replied looking a tad bit annoyed still. She nodded and I went and apologized for being so mean because I knew she was just excited for her first day of Junior High School. The same way I was for High School. I went back to my room and had both picked out our outfits the night before. I was wearing a short sleeved purple button down shirt with a black vest, some black skinny jeans, and converse. While Brittany was wearing a floral dress with black gladiator sandals. We always changed in front of each other because we were just comfortable.

She undressed first and I couldn't help but look at her. I mean her body was just so beautiful. She didn't care, I could tell. I don't think she knew anything we were doing was wrong, because in my opinion it wasn't. I have no idea why I even looked at her, but I just really wanted to. I never really saw guys hot or sexy, I just liked attention. And whoever gave it to me, I liked. Which were usually guys.

I closed her bra for her because she always had trouble doing that. Classic Britt. I didn't care though. I liked doing it for her. Then I got dressed and we were off for our first day at McKinley High pinky's locked.

**This was kind of the start into Santana's feelings. Anyhow I hope you enjoyed it. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE review. That is what motivates me and if you could just write a few words about the story it would be greatly appreciated. Ba-bye for now.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I think this will be the chapter when there is quite a lot of development. If you know what I mean. LOL. Anyway, this chapter will be considerably longer then my others because, well, I know I love when my fics have long chapters so I figured I might as well grant you fine readers to the same. I hope you enjoy and pleaseeeeeeee REVIEW! Even if you say one word I will appreciate it so much. Anyway enjoy! **

It was really good that we both had each other to go together, because we didn't know many other people. The first day of high school is nerve racking for everyone. But, we had to put on a front that we were the confident, popular girls that all the guys wanted to be with and the girls wanted to be. I saw a boy shoot a glance at me and Brittany's pinkies locked and he smiled. I gave him the evil glare, and said "Keep on dreaming pimple face." He looked down and walked away. Brittany held back a laugh. I knew she thought it was mean, but she can't help it if she found what I said was funny. We continued walking down the halls until we saw Sue Sylvester's office.

She was the key to success at this school. If you wanted to be somebody you went to her. And we both wanted to not only be somebody, but to be in power. I know we, or I for that matter, might sound conceited. But, that wasn't really it. Well maybe. Anyway, truly I like attention. And I like anyway who will give it to me. So, this is the best way to get it.

I walked into her office and noticed her in a butt-ugly track suit in red and white. Red so didn't suit her. But, I would never say that to her face. Truly she was the only one who actually intimidated me in this school. She was writing something down extremely fast on her red and white notepad and I was sure she wasn't even writing actual words. We were both standing there for what seemed like an hour and I cleared my throat extra loud so she would notice us. Finally she looked up and stared me in the eye. Wow was she scary. She said in a nasty voice, "Can I help you?"

Brittany looked terrified and I knew I'd have to do this practically alone if I wanted to get anything done. I said, "We want to be part of the cheerios and we'll do ANYTHING to get it." Brittany let out a small nod.

Coach looked at me with an even eviler glare I could ever give to anyone else and said, "I don't have teacher's pets. But, since you girls seem like you really want to be in the Cheerios there are auditions tomorrow in the auditorium at 4. If you're late, you're out. If you're wearing that-"She pointed her finger from the top of both of us to the bottom-"you're out. There's no eating if you're on the cheerios. You drink what I give you. And trust me it is nasty. Is that okay with you little girls?" All we could do was nod and Brittany gulped really hard. "Good. If you're on the team I have a special mission for you. But, I have to trust you. And if you betray me, ever, I will RUIN you. Now get the hell out of my office."

We both exited and Brittany said, "Boy is she mean. Meaner then you could ever be." I didn't know whether I should take that as a compliment or an insult. Either way I nodded and told her it would all be worth it, trust me. I smiled a soft smile and she returned it.

After a long and boring day of writing our names and parents phone numbers on little index card for nearly every class Brittany went over to my house. My parents worked a lot and my sister was at afterschool because I begged my parents to not let me have to watch her after school. And when I say begged I mean I got on the floor with my hands together, crying to let them put her into day care. I really didn't care that much if she was there but I knew she would bother me and I liked my alone time. Well my Brittany time I guess. And I knew I wanted boys over so I had until 3:15 when I got out of school until 6:30 alone. That would be enough time I thought. Like I said I liked attention. I'm not even sure I know why, but I know I crave it. It makes me feel better about myself. And sure Brittany gives me lots of attention, but it's not really enough.

My parents don't really give me much attention because they're always working. They usually pick up my sister and then go back to work or do god knows what. I don't even want to imagine. And then when they come home they say goodnight to us and go to bed. If you think about it, it's actually kind of good because I get to be alone a lot and do basically whatever the fuck I feel like. But, then it's bad because I get no attention from them. Which is probably why I crave it from other places.

Brittany and I were sitting on my bed watching SpongeBob SquarePants. She thought she was in love with Patrick since she was like 7 years old. Therefore, being the amazing friend I am, we watched it almost every time she came over. Just for the sake that it made her happy. I liked seeing Brittany happy. I mean she was a generally happy person so it wasn't too hard to get a laugh out of her. I was the one who it took a little work to get too smile.

We were watching the episode where the jellyfish won't leave SpongeBob alone and brings in hundreds of them and when Gary's eyes click together the jellyfish stop. They then continue to make a song with different creatures to get the jellyfish away from SpongeBob. Brittany has the biggest grin on her face and is humming to the rhythm of the catchy beat.

The episode ended and I was kind of tired of watching SpongeBob. I mean we were ninth graders after all. But, I could never tell anything to Britt about it because she would get offended to easily. All I said was, "I'm kind of tired of SpongeBob can we do something else?" She thought about it for a second and agreed. "Wanna play truth or dare?" I smiled and she said ok.

I kind of wanted to talk about stuff we never really talked about before. So I asked, "Did you ever kiss anyone before?" I actually didn't know. What kind of friend am I?

"Well… if you count Billy in like 1st grade then yea I did. But, otherwise no I didn't. Oh my god I'm so lame how am I in 9th grade and I never even kissed anyone for real. I probably don't even know how!" She looked like she was on the verge of tears and I held back a little chuckle.

I took her hands and said, "Oh Britt a lot of girls probably haven't kissed anyone yet. I mean we do live in a small town in Ohio after all. And there are a lot of conservative parents. But, that also means the kids like to rebel. Just wait a couple months and everything and everyone will change. But, I mean-" I took a big gulp because I couldn't believe I was going to say this-"if you want to you know practice with me so when you do date a guy he won't say your horrible and no one will want to kiss you ever again." I made it sound life or death to her and I think she believed it.

She looked like she was weighing the idea. I wonder if she ever thought of it before. I know I had. I never really thought much of it because she was my best friend after all. She said, "Well…. I guess that would be good for practicing. So okay I guess." She looked pretty nervous and once again I knew I'd have to initiate it. I was nervous too even though I kissed a few guys before and they all told me I was really good. I hated when boys slobbered all over me, it was the biggest turn off ever.

I told her to close her eyes and she did, then I closed mine and leaned in slowly. Finally, our lips touched lightly and it stayed like that for a few seconds. I leant back and she looked surprised. My stomach started feeling weird, like I had butterflies in my stomach swarming around and they didn't want to stop anytime soon. "Now, we're going to use tongue, just follow my lead, ok?" We were both sitting Indian style on my bed.

I leaned in again and pressed our lips together. I could feel her wet lips against mine, not slobbery but just perfect. Then I opened my mouth ever so slightly and slipped my tongue into hers. I moved it all around and we were massaging its others tongues. Her mouth tasted minty from the gum she was just chewing. I pushed my lips deeper into hers and she nearly fell back. I put my hands on her arms and pushed her down on the bed so I was in control. I loved being in control. She stopped for a second to catch her breath. I was wondering if she felt the same way I did. I could've sworn she did. She ran her hands all through my hair. I started to graze her legs with my fingertips softly just enough for it to tickle a bit. I felt this sensation all throughout my body and I couldn't handle it so I pulled away. We were both panting by now.

Brittany said softly, "Wow you're really good. I felt this weird feeling in my stomach. I never felt that before." I knew what she was talking about, but I didn't feel like explaining so I just lay down next to her and wrapped my arm around hers. She buried her head in my hair and we just stayed like that for a little while perfectly content.

**Well, this is where it all starts folks! Lol, well I hope I did this part of the story justice. I mean there is only so many ways for them to start kissing and I figured, even though it was kind of cliché, I haven't seen THAT many stories written like that. Anyway, please review this story. It would really mean a lot to me. Thanks for anyone who's reading it and who reviews! Bye for now [: **


	4. Chapter 4

**I figured since I got a review (thanks Msdre36**** for subscribing and commenting) and I got a few subscribers I would start writing earlier. I'm not sure entirely were I'm going to take this I'm just going to go along with the flow. But, I do have a basic plot idea that is different than most other stories I've read. I hope you enjoy! & please review!**

I wasn't sleeping while we were laying there. I'm pretty sure Brittany was because I could hear her heavy breathing. It felt so good to be in someone's arms. Especially Britt's. I was thinking pretty hard about what just happened. It was weird… but actually good. Why did I have that feeling in my stomach? I mean I'm not stupid I know that it was butterflies and I never really got that with guys. There's this little thought in the back of my head. Maybe I like Brittany. No, no, no I can't. She's my best friend. Who happens to be a girl. I just push the thought in the back of my head because I really don't want to deal with that right now.

Brittany started moving a little bit and I tried to stay still so I wouldn't wake her up. I looked at her eyes and I saw them slowly opening. She was blinking hard at the sudden burst of light. I looked at her and smiled, she returned. "Wow that was a good nap. Now, I probably won't be able to sleep later," she said with a pout. I couldn't help but laugh at her observation. "Santana can I ask you something?" her face suddenly got very serious.

I got a little scared at that moment. I hate when people have to ASK to say something. Like they could just say it if they wanted. But, they have to ask when it's important. Which is what this was. I nodded my head and said, "Of course Britt."

"Is it bad that I actually kind of… liked what we did before? I mean I know you're my best friend, but I couldn't help but like it." My face turned to stone. I thought it over. So, we both liked it I guess.

I suddenly got very defensive about what she said. "Well I guess not, but were girls Britt and girls aren't supposed to do that stuff." I could see her face turn sad. Now I felt bad for dropping her like that. I added, "But… I liked it too. And were gonna have tons of practice for guys" Now her face was beaming. I could tell she was satisfied with my answer. I was too.

I didn't know what to think of the whole situation. I'm sure Britt didn't give two fucks because well she doesn't care what people think or what they say. All the stuff she did for popularity was all for me. Just to make her happy. Well, if she did that then I might as well just go along with all this stuff to return the favor. I could never be really mad at Britt. If we ever did get into fights, it lasted only a few hours before we made up. We got stronger from the fights I think.

I never really connected with a guy. Like, I had boyfriends and I made out with guys. But, I never really felt a strong connection. I think what it is, is I like the idea of guys. Everyone's raised to meet a guy, fall in love, get married, have kids and live in a white picket house fence. That is what most parents, and definitely mine, thought. So, that is why I liked the idea of living up to that. I just think I haven't met the right guy yet. Hopefully I do pretty soon. Guys liked how I was kind of a badass. They liked someone who was hard to get and wasn't a pushover. Well, I guess some guys like the easy girls because it was well, easy. But, a lot liked the girls who would give them a challenge. So when they succeeded they could show off to their friends and be proud of themselves. I was that girl. I never wanted to be easy, but sometimes I do it for attention like I said. The feeling of being important is truly amazing. Even if it only lasts a little while. It was good while it lasted.

After my daydreaming about my love life it was almost 6:30 and Brittany had to leave, sadly. My parent's kind of like Brittany. I mean they have to deal with her because she's my best friend, and I really don't care what they think. It does hurt me when they call her just another dumb blonde. It feels like their ripping out a piece of my heart when they say it. Like I get personally offended and extremely defensive when they say something about her. I said, "Mom, she's not stupid. So stop saying stuff about her, she's my friend." She just sneered and walked away.

I walked Brittany to the door. We never wanted to leave each other. Literally, we would say goodbye like 20 times before we actually parted ways. Finally after a few goodbyes I hugged her for a lost time and kissed her cheek, "Love you Britt." I could feel her smiling.

"Love you too San. Text me later okay?" I nodded and she then walked down my steps and walked up her block, turning around to wave to me. I watched her walk down the block until she turned the corner and I went back inside thinking about her.

**So… I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It wasn't too long, somewhere in-between. I'm pretty sure I know where this is going to go, and trust me it will be different. Cause you know it would be boring if it followed what happened in the TV show. I hate when people do that LOL. Anyway, please review! I write faster when I know people are enjoying it (as it was with this chapter.) Bye for now [= **


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm so sorry for taking so long to post another chapter. I've been pretty busy with school and everything. But last night and today I got a LOT of inspiration. I'm gonna try to make this chapter long to make up for the long wait. Anyway, enjoy and PLEASE review! I write faster when people are reviewing :D **

I was up in my bed. It was 11:30 PM and I knew I had to go to bed for school tomorrow. But, I just couldn't stop thinking about her. She was controlling my each and every thought and I had no idea how to get rid of it. A lot of people think I never cry and I'm just a heartless person. Trust me, I'm really not that person. Crying in bed is just the worst thing in the whole world. Your pillow gets all wet and you start to get a headache and just the whole thing is bad. Sometimes you just have to get it out. I didn't even know why I was crying, but as soon as I felt that tingle in my nose I knew it was coming.

Why is she doing this to me? I wondered if maybe at this very moment she was doing the exact same thing. I mean you really never know. I just really wanted to fall asleep and make these thoughts go away. It's funny how you never remember your last thought before you drift into sleep. At least for me, that is. I always tried to make my brain remember, but it's just not possible.

I woke up the next morning with my eyes red and puffy. I went to the mirror and looked at myself intently in the mirror. God, I looked awful. I squinted at myself and just kept on staring. Who was the reflection in the mirror? Sometimes, I think that the person in my brain just doesn't match up with the person in the reflection. I figured staring at myself wasn't going to help so I went back into my room and rummaged through my dresser for the perfect outfit. Unconsciously I think I picked out an outfit I knew would impress Brittany. You know you like someone, when you try extra hard to do little things when you know you're gonna be around them. Oh god.

So I liked her? How do you even know you liked someone? I don't really remember the feeling. I don't think I ever even HAD that feeling. All I know is that I'm attracted to people. Kind of like lust and love. Two very different things. I'm pretty sure I felt lust for a lot of people. I can obviously tell when someone's attractive or not. And I like the idea of them being popular and knowing that I have power over them. But, I never really liked being with any of the guys I was with. I did it to please them. Not to please myself.

I strutted into the halls of McKinley as per usual and all the guys were gawking at me. I gave a wink to the new football player Puck. He was pretty cute I guess, and he's now a football player. Out of nowhere Coach Sylvester came up. I swear, I think she's a ninja. She looked at me up and down and grunted. "What do you think you're wearing?"

I looked up at her, I mean she was pretty tall compared to my 14 year old body. I cleared my throat and said, "Um, an outfit?" She laughed and mocked my words.

Now, I was getting pissed off because no one mocks Santana Lopez. But, I knew I couldn't say anything so I bit my tongue and let her continue. "Listen her sweetie, you're a cheerio now. And cheerio's don't get to wear their own clothes. So go into the locker room and change into your cheerio uniform or I'll ruin you like how I ruined whats-her-face over there." She pointed to a red-head girl in the corner of the hallway crying. Her outfit was all ripped up. I swallowed hard.

"Okay, sorry it won't happen again," I managed to squeeze out while resisting the urge to slap her wrinkly face with my ring-clad hand. I almost pushed past her, but thought twice and gave a sly smile as I walked to the locker room.

As soon as I walked into the locker room I smelt Brittany's Juicy Couture perfume. I knew I wanted to see her, but I was also kind of nervous. I stopped slightly, but then figured I should stop being a baby, which is so unlike me, and I tapped her shoulder. She turned around and immediately her face lit up. She hugged me extremely tight and I returned the embrace. "It's nice to see you too Britt, but I kind of can't breathe here."

She let go and chuckled a little. "Sorry, I just missed you a lot." Wow, after one day she missed me a lot. I can't say I didn't miss her too. There was always that undeniable closeness between us opposed to our other friends. I didn't even know why.

"Me too, Britt. Eventful night we had, huh?" I winked and at first she looked like she didn't get it.

Then her eyes widened and she smiled, "Yes, yes we did. I was thinking of you all night long." I looked to the left a little noticing a few other cheerios changing. I'm pretty sure they overheard and I got a little uptight at that moment. I grabbed her arm and went to the back of the locker room so we were alone.

"Listen Britt, I liked it too and…-" I paused for a second. "-I was thinking of you all night too. But, we can't just say it out loud in front of everyone. It'll be our little secret, okay?"

She thought this over and replied, "Well, why not? I don't care what anyone thinks."

I was getting a little annoyed, but I remembered that I was talking to my best friend and calmed down. "But, I do and it'll be like that time we accidently broke your mom's vase while pretending to sword fight. Remember how we hid the pieces and acted totally innocent when she asked? And she looked at us curiously, and we held back our laughs so we wouldn't get in trouble. It'll be just like that." She laughed remembering our little incident.

"Okay, I guess. Maybe it'll be fun to have our own little secret." I smiled and nodded. I all of a sudden had a strong urge to kiss her. I looked from her eyes to her lips. She noticed and blushed a little. I decided that no one could see us so I kissed her on the lips deeply holding my hands around her neck. I pulled away and she didn't look that surprised. A smile came across her lips slowly. That big bright smile I loved.

She grabbed my arms and turned me around fast and I slammed against the walls. This was different for me because I was usually in control. I kind of liked it though, so I let her continue. She pressed her lips to mine and I opened my mouth. She did the same and pushed her tongue into my mouth. It was so soft, everything about her was soft. I felt tingles throughout my body and my knees got a little bit weak. We opened both our mouths at the same time and danced our tongues together at the same time. She was holding onto my back now and tickling it a little and I got a little ticklish. I pulled away for a second in a fit of laughter. She laughed a little too then grabbed my head and pressed her lips against mine, and then pulled her head away. We were both grinning now.

I heard all the other cheerios after and said to Britt, "I think we have to go now." She looked sad, but I held out my pinky. She attached hers to mine and when we were almost with the other cheerios she gave me one last quick kiss. I held onto that feeling all throughout the rest of the day.

** I hope you liked this chapter. Next chapter, I think I'm going to fast forward a bit. Maybe to the start of glee club, like sophomore year. Or, the summer before sophomore year. Tell me where you want me to start in the reviews please. And, again PLEASE REVIEW! It's like 12 at night so I'm gonna go to bed. Enjoy and review! :D **


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to everyone who favorited/added this story to their alerts. It means a lot to me that you guys like this story. I decided I would go into the summer before sophomore year because most of my chapters were over the course of a day (because I like to write a lot lol.) So I figured I'd either jam a LOT of stuff into one chapter or space it out. I guess I'll do both. Anyway, hopefully this chapter is long. P.S. I started writing the first half of this a few days ago, then I was sick and now I'm writing again. And this is rated MATURE just an f.y.i! Enjoy and review! **

It was the last day of school and me and Britt were having our annual sleepover at my house. The school year went by pretty fast. It was like most other school years. Except for one very different thing. All throughout the year me and Britt hooked up. A lot. No one knew, and I liked it that way. Well, at least I'm pretty sure of that. Sometimes, I liked to show off and tell everyone stuff. Like with guys everyone knew how I hooked up with them, and I liked the attention. With Brittany, I thought about telling people, but thought twice and I knew to not do that.

You know how when you're so close to someone, and when no one's talking it's not awkward? But, with someone you don't know it's basically the most awkward thing in the world. Well, right now that's how I felt with Britt. We weren't talking, but I was okay with that. I mean I was thinking about her almost constantly. A part of me really wanted to ask her if she thought about me as much as I did. I didn't only because if she said no, which I doubt she would because she wouldn't want to hurt my feelings, I would think I was a total and complete freak.

Britt is the only one who really knows me, but she doesn't even know everything about me. It's weird because I'm most comfortable with her, but then I feel like I can't tell her the main thing I think about because it's about her. I don't even know how I feel about her. I think I liked her. Oh my god. I can't even believe this. I know I never felt this way about anyone else. And although I never felt this feeling, I'm pretty sure I knew what it was. I was always excited to see her and unlike all the other guys I actually enjoyed making out with her. I knew tonight had to be the night. We needed to seriously talk about this. Only because I couldn't deal with it. I couldn't get her out of my head. She engulfed my thoughts and when I tried to think of something else it was still there in the back of my head. I always thought of it as when you're watching the news and they're showing a story, but on the bottom of the screen there's that ticker that is telling other news events. That was going on in my head. I loved everything about her. She was the most beautiful girl I've ever known. Her soft blonde hair with little hints of brown, and her pretty blue eyes. Sometimes I felt so lucky to be her friend. To be more than her friend. It could've been someone else, but it wasn't. She could be friends with a lot of people, but they wouldn't understand her like I did. They would think she was a dumb blonde. I knew she wasn't that. And I felt lucky to know that. I didn't deserve all she had to offer me. She was truly amazing, it's hard to even put into words.

"Santana, are you okay? You look like you're about to tear up," said Brittany. I hadn't even noticed I was. We were watching SpongeBob again and I was paying no attention to it. Britt definitely was, but I guess she took a quick glance at me. Quickly I rubbed my face and put on a smile.

"Yea, I'm fine. Just some allergies. It's weird how I usually don't get those. I guess it's the humidity or something." I'm not sure if that made sense, but I said it anyway.

"San, I can tell when you're lying. I'm your best friend. Is something wrong?" I really wanted to tell her what was going on, but not now. Now wasn't the time.

"Well… I don't know, maybe. How about we talk later? I love our little deep conversations at night." She smiled remembering them and nodded her head in reassurance. We would always talk late at night facing each other so close that our lips were almost touching. And we would talk about stuff we never did, and no one else knew. I loved them, because at that moment I felt I could be so open about everything. Even at other times during the day we wouldn't talk about that kind of stuff. I knew we had to talk, or I had to talk, because this was just getting out of control. I couldn't even handle it anymore so I just had to get it out.

It was around 6:30 and my parent's had just came home. They knew Brittany was sleeping over, and I hoped that they wouldn't say anything to her. And I hoped they wouldn't fight. It was always really embarrassing because I knew Britt wouldn't say anything, but I could tell she felt awkward in the whole situation. And then if I started yelling at my sister about something she would just bite her lip and look down. She probably hated when I was mean because she knew deep down I wasn't that kind of person. She never really confronted me about it, although I wouldn't know what I'd do if she did. Maybe tonight will be that night, where stuff comes out. I wished.

"Girls, dinners ready!" my mom shouted. I looked at Brittany in a surprised look because, well, my mom never really made dinner. And if she did, we never ate it together. As a family. The last time I remember us eating together was the day they announced I was going to become a big sister. I felt like a family then, like we were all on the same page for once. I was so excited to do her makeup and go shopping with her. Just everything it was like being a big sister that I saw on TV, I wanted. But, things don't go as planned. Me and Ash have our moments, but most of the time I'm mean to her. She can be mean, too. As the big sister we get blamed for quite a lot of stuff. So, she can be a little devious and sneaky at times. Like she'll twist it around and of course put on the puppy dog face and my parents will start yelling at me.

"Wow, that's weird. We never have dinner together. I wonder if they have big news for us. I'm kind of excited. And nervous. What if it's bad?" I basically was out of breath and Brittany put her finger over my mouth and just by the touch of her I got a little shiver down my spine. She mouthed "Shhh." I smiled and took her pinky as we went down the stairs.

As soon as I walked in the air was thick and my parents were sitting at the table with my sister. She looked as though nothing was wrong, well because she didn't know any better. My mom had prepared a huge dinner for us, which was so unlike her. I was getting a little scared, because I knew this wasn't just a random act of kindness out of my mom. Maybe this is where I got my bitchiness from. Britt looked uncomfortable, but sat down across from me. She looked at me in the eyes and I smiled, which I hoped would make her feel a little more comfortable. My mom caught our look and rolled her eyes, her body sitting up even more straighter then she already was. I swear I thought her back was going to break.

We all started eating and all we could her was forks on plates and chewing. I have no idea if Brittany even liked what she was eating, even though I'm pretty sure some of it she didn't because she'ls a picky eater. But, I knew she was too nice to say anything, so she powered through it. My mom put down her fork and knife and looked at my dad. "There's no point in pretending like we don't have something to say. So let's stop pretending and just get too it, shall we?" My dad dropped his fork, looking completely surprised. Now, I was getting worried.

"Your right honey-" I saw my mom roll her eyes at that "-um girls we have something we need to tell you. And we didn't want to say this while Brittany was here, but decided it couldn't wait any longer." Britt looked away and gulped. I did the same, even thought I tried to keep a straight face. Inside I was dying. I don't know why they couldn't have waited to say whatever they wanted to say when Britt wasn't here, but that was beyond me. "Me and your mom are…-" He paused for what seemed like forever and my mom was tapping her finger against the table in suspense "-getting divorced." What? Divorced? Did they just say divorced? I dropped my fork. Immediately I knew I was going to start crying because I couldn't believe this. My parents? No, no, no they've been married for sixteen years. Why are they getting divorced now? I couldn't wrap my head around it. I saw my sister. I thought of her. I knew she was only 11, but she knew what that word meant. She immediately started crying and pushed her way out of the chair. My dad quickly followed. He was always the more sympathetic one compared to my mom. I got up too, because I didn't want to cry in front of them. My mom didn't follow me. Brittany did.

I ran up to my room and started sobbing in my pillow. So much stuff was running through my head. What did this mean for us? One of them is going to move out. Well, I guess it won't be that different now, but I hoped my dad didn't move out. Even though he wasn't here much, late at night when he came home we would watch movies together. And every time he came home I'd run to him and hug him. I didn't want him to leave. Brittany slowly opened the door and looked like she was going to cry. I don't even know for what, because she really didn't have anything to cry about. Maybe it was just because she's not used to seeing me cry. She sat down next to me and made me look at her. I was so uncomfortable because I hated people seeing me cry. I always thought that if they see the vulnerable side of me, they wouldn't like me anymore. But, I figured this was Britt and she wouldn't care. I looked at her and just started crying hysterically again. This was so much to handle all in one night. I leaned into her shoulder and just sobbed for I don't know how long. She ran her fingers through my hair the whole time and kept whispering "It's okay, San. It'll be okay." In my head I thought how the fuck could this be okay. But, her words were soothing and I just listened to it, and I actually believed it. My dad suddenly came in, and stood there. I stiffened up and wiped my eyes.

"Excuse me Brittany, but can I have a couple minutes alone with my daughter?" he said in a nice tone. She nodded and gave me a quick hug before exiting. I felt so bad for her, she was in the middle of this and I knew she felt super uncomfortable.

He sat down next to me and put his arm around me. I quickly pushed him away because I simply didn't want his comforting. "Listen San, I know this must be hard for you. It's just as hard for me. I'm guessing you want to know why." I nodded, sniffling. "Well, don't tell your sister this because she's too young. But, you deserve to know. Your mother… cheated on me with another man. I found out a few days ago and… she didn't even seem remorseful about any of it. Again, I know this is hard for you. But, it had to be done. There was no other choice."

I instantly got defensive. "Yes, dad there was a choice. You could've, I don't know… worked things out or something. You don't even know what you're doing to me and Ashley. Especially Ashley. You know, I have so many friends whose parents are divorced. And I always thought, oh never me. It couldn't happen to me. And look here, it did. Well, what's going to happen now?"

I saw that I hurt my dad, but I couldn't help but say it. He looked down and said, "I'll be moving out in a week or so. I'm sorry San. I really am. But, I shouldn't be the one explaining, you're mother should. She's the one who broke up this family, not me. And I hope you understand that I'll still see you and Ashley as much as I can. I know I work a lot, but I'm really going to try San. I really am."

"No you're not! You always say that, why should I believe you now. You know there's such a thing as earning someone's trust. And you didn't. You say this and you say that, but you never do anything about it. You're just a hypocrite, face it."

Again, he looked even more hurt. He just stood up with a sad look on his face. "You're right San. I'm really going to try now. And I know you don't believe me, but I guess you soon will. I love you, Santana." I didn't say anything and he just looked down and closed the door.

I lay down on my bed and just started crying. Brittany came in and didn't say anything. She just turned the light off and lay down next to me wrapping her arms around me. She just kept whispering, "It'll be okay, San." We both fell asleep quickly, even though it was only 7pm.

When I awoke, I felt crust all over my eyes and mouth. I wiped my mouth and realized I had drooled a little. Oh joy, when I was sleeping next to the girl of my dreams. I looked at the clock and it read 12:14. I turned over and realized Brittany was laying there with her eyes wide open staring at the ceiling. She looked at me and said "Are you okay, San? Well, that's kind of a stupid question because you're probably not. But, I'm just glad you're awake. I hoped that we could talk about what you wanted to before." I could tell she was nervous because she didn't know if this was the right time after what happened earlier, but I didn't care. I felt this was the night to let everything out.

"Me too, I really wanted to talk to you for a while now." We turned toward each other and were about two inches apart in the face. It was dark, but the light from the moon and outside my door illuminated her beautiful face. "I really need to tell you something. And I hope things don't change between us, because I really don't want them too. But, this just can't wait any longer. I feel as though it is manifesting me and I just need to get it out." She looked eager and nervous at the same time.

"What is it, San? Don't worry, you can tell me anything." I bit my lip, and was so nervous I didn't know if I could even say it. I kept starting to say it, but couldn't get anything to come out of my voice. "What is it about?"

"Well, it's about someone." I thought that was very descriptive. She made a motion for me to go on. And I realized to be the confident Santana I was in school. Even though, that wasn't the real me, but I was good at it and tried to think that I was talking to someone at school. "I think… that I umm… like you." I looked away instantly feeling so embarrassed.

"You mean you like, like me?" I nodded. She started smiling and said, "aww that's so sweet." Not the reaction I was expecting, but okay…

"I think it started when we started to, you know makeout. I don't know I just felt this feeling for you I never felt with anyone else. I didn't know what it was at first. But, then I realized all these feelings I have are for you. They've always been for you Britt. I just never realized it. You're perfect in every single way, and I love you." I could tell she was thinking what to say. I couldn't help, but ask, "What about you?"

"Well… I felt it too. But, I don't think I'm a lesbian. I don't know maybe. I just never really thought about it. All I know is you're my best friend, San. And I love you too. I really do. Is it okay, if I think about it and then we can talk another time?"

"Of course Britt, it's okay. I just feel so relieved getting that off my chest. I hope stuff isn't awkward between us, okay?" She nodded her head. I ran my hand through her hair and I just needed to touch her lips. We were already so close. I pushed them against hers for a couple seconds. "I'm sorry I just needed to do that really bad."

She laughed and said, "I don't mind. I never really felt wrong about doing this with my best friend. Anyone else, I wouldn't. But you're different." I was so happy, forgetting everything that happened earlier in the day. She put her hands on my lower back, right near my ass and started kissing me. She slipped her tongue in. She lifted herself and propped her on top of me. I put my hands on her back and started lightly tickling her. Her mouth tasted so good. I just loved it. Tingles went through my whole entire body. I wanted to do more, I needed too. I flipped her over and she giggled as she landed on the bed. I ran my hand up and down her flat stomach and then I ran her shirt up and off of her. She looked surprised, but ran with it. I threw the shirt across the room. I started kissing her neck as she ran her hands on my ass. She slapped it, and I laughed. I moved my mouth to hers again and gave her a long kiss before putting my head down her torso. I kissed up and down her stomach and she flinched a little, because she was ticklish. I came back up and ran my hand down lower. I played with the button on her pants. She didn't seem to mind so I unbuttoned them. She leaned up and kissed me again. I slowly slipped my hand inside of her pants. She clenched onto me and brought me down on top of her completely. I was kissing her neck as I moved my finger around.

She opened her mouth a little and a little moan came out. I kept doing it, and I felt her whole body clenched up. In a matter of seconds she came and clenched onto me even harder digging her nails into my skin. I didn't even care that it hurt. I stopped and took my hand out of her shorts. She grabbed onto my neck passionately and kissed me for a long while. "You're amazing, San. I love you so much."

I let my whole body fall next to her and whispered, "Love you too Britt. Forever and forever." She didn't even bother putting her clothes on and we just wrapped ourselves into the covers and fell into a deep sleep. My last thought, was how this was the most interesting, amazing, confusing day I've ever had. But, I kind of loved it.

**Well, this was an eventful and LONG chapter. My longest yet. I hope you enjoyed this and that I did the different scenes justice. It's pretty late tonight and my hands hurt, but I tried to do a good job. Please review, being this was a pivotal chapter. Thanks for reading! Bye for now and please REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the review curiostykilledthecat :D I really appreciate it! I tend to write faster when something in my life happens that gives me a lot of inspiration… which just so happened to be this weekend. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and please review. It means a lot to me :D **

I woke up with the covers half off me and Britt's arm placed across my bare stomach. I didn't move because she still looked fast asleep. I started thinking about last night. It's funny how I go to bed thinking about her and wake up thinking about her. Like she controls my mind and I just can't get it out no matter how hard I try.

She said she'll "think about it." What did that even mean? Yea, I know it sounded pretty straightforward, but in my mind it really was a complicated response. I guess she didn't feel the same way about me as I did about her. Well, maybe she did but she was just scared. She sounded kind of scared to me. I didn't understand why. There's just some things I can't wrap my head around. Call my naïve if you want, but it wasn't really my fault. Like when I pictured actually being with a guy, it just didn't feel right. Sometimes, I wanted to actually know how it feels. You grow up watching Disney movies where the guy meets the girl or vice versa and they fall madly in love, despite obstacles and live happily ever after. I always thought that would be the case with me. I guess not. I know I probably sound really unintelligent saying this, but I don't know how girls liked guys. Like girls were just so much better. Then again, I bet straight girls thought the same thing or guys for that matter. You can, of course, be okay with it because it isn't your right to tell someone what's right and what's wrong. But, you don't necessarily have to agree with what the person was doing. I guess that was me.

Britt was moving around in the bed, but still looked slightly asleep. She was so gorgeous, it wasn't even funny. I loved looking into her eyes, they were crystal blue and just so interesting. The little various shades in her eyes and how her pupil would get bigger and smaller as she focused on me. I could stare at her all day if I wanted. I remember thinking when I was little and my dad would come home, I would run and hug him. I literally wouldn't let go and I thought to myself, and I'm pretty sure I told him this too, that I could hug him forever. It was such a warm, sincere hug that I just loved. And then I remembered what happened the night before.

How could I even forget that? I guess, so much stuff happened last night that I forgot. I started to get a tickle in my nose. I hated that tickle. Tears started forming, thinking back to the memories I had with my dad. And now, he was going to move out. I don't know how I could deal with it. I know this is a bad thing to say, but I think if I had to choose between my mom and my dad, it would be my dad. He was way more understanding then my mom. She didn't even come up to me after last night's event. Like who the fuck does she think she is? It was such a heartless thing to do, it felt like I didn't even know her. She was always working, even when I was little. I don't really have many good memories with her. She was always yelling at my dad or me and Ashley. Maybe that's where I got my bitchiness from. I mean Ashley wasn't really like my mom. Sometimes she could be sneaky about things. Well, because she was the younger sister and could get away with almost anything. One of the few memories I had with my mom, and also one of the only days I remember her not yelling, was a Saturday. We were laying across our bed and she gathered all her magazines, mostly those home improvement ones or fashion ones, and we just went through them together. We were laughing at some of the articles and talking about the interesting ones. And it just was an amazing day, just because of that. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but at that moment just everything was okay for once. We didn't have to be yelling or fighting. Just having a pure, good time. I missed those times so much.

I couldn't help it and the tears started to roll down my cheek. I was trying to silent cry, but that was hard. Brittany slowly opened her eyes and tried looking at my eyes. I kept avoiding her glance, wiping my eyes so she wouldn't see. Finally she asked, "Santana are you crying?" She had a serious pout on her face.

I was considering making an excuse like allergies or something, but at this moment I just didn't want to lie to her. "Yea, I guess I am. I don't know, I was just thinking about last night with my parents. And then these memories started coming back. I'm s-sorry." I don't know why I just apologized for crying, but I wiped my face quickly.

She put her arm around my waist and pulled me closer, "Aw, sweetie don't say sorry. This must be so hard for you. I'm not even going to say I know how you feel because truthfully I don't. But, you should just let it all out now. No point in keeping it in. It'll only hurt you in the end. Like how you were so brave last night telling me how you feel. You know, I really appreciated it. So, just let it all out. It's okay."

I listened to her and just started sobbing over everything. She rubbed my back and held onto me tightly. After about five minutes of straight crying I finally calmed down enough to get out a few words. "Thanks, Britt. I think I'm okay now. I'm so glad I have you, because I honestly don't even know what I'd do without you."

A little smile played across her lips. She wrapped me around in a tight hug whispering something I couldn't quite make out, but I didn't care. She gave me a little peck on the cheek, and that was truly all I needed at this moment. Her soft lips on mine. A sincere, little kiss.

I heard some footsteps coming up to my door and we quickly let go of each other. My mom suddenly opened the door. She looked distraught. Her hair was a mess, she wasn't wearing any makeup and she was wearing her old baggy clothes. "Girls, why don't you get dressed and come down. I made breakfast for you guys." She smiled and closed the door before we could say anything.

"Hm, that was weird of my mom to do. It's funny how she still hasn't said anything about last night. Like she's trying to pretend it didn't happen. She could at least talk to me about it," I said.

"You're right. Give it time, she's probably just as upset as you. Don't worry about it," Britt replied.

I never understood how kids in our school, and even my parents at times, thought she was dumb. I guess they just didn't know the real her. She was such a good advice giver, and knew exactly what to say at exactly the right time. No one else could do that. She had such a way with words, it wasn't even funny. I didn't understand how no one else could see that. It was a shame really. Not one other person then me, knew who she really was.

We both got dressed quickly and came downstairs. My mom prepared a huge breakfast consisting of eggs, pancakes, toast, and even waffles. I was really surprised that she did all this. I started to think, that maybe she figured she would be extra nice to me. Just, so she wouldn't have to talk about it. I chuckled a little to myself at this thought. If she thought that this, making a nice breakfast, was going to replace the conversation, then she just might be crazy. No mom, I thought, this is not going to help. So, why don't you grow some balls and talk to me about this instead of just hiding behind your fake mask of actually giving a fuck about me. Yea, like that was going to happen anytime soon.

Me and Britt sat down and my mom served us. I didn't say thank you because she didn't deserve it. I knew, maybe I was being a LITTLE mean. But, this is what she gets. I ate quickly and left my plate there for her to clean up too. It was a little funny how hard she was trying. But, I wasn't going to give up easily. Maybe I should confront her about it. Well, I mean she is the mom and she should be the one talking to ME about it. If she didn't talk to me by tonight, then I decided I would confront her about it.

Suddenly she said, "Santana, can I speak to you alone for a second?" She looked down quickly, with a look on her face that she didn't know why she just said that.

"Sure, mother," I said in an extremely mean tone. I looked at Britt and she understood. I turned around and walked into the hallway until we were far from anyone hearing us.

"There's something else REALLY important I need to tell you. Please don't hate me," she mumbled.

**CLIFFHANGER. Well, was that a lame one? I don't know, I tried! Also, it was a shorter chapter because the last one was really long. Next chapter I PROMISE to have a lot more Brittana time. And of course some mother, daughter bonding. *Cough* Hope you liked this chapter, so please review? Thanks for reading and bye for now :D **


	8. Chapter 8

**Gahhh, I know I suck. Sorry for taking so long, idk I just wasn't in a mood to write. Anyway so it's like 1am where I am, NY, and it's been snowing/raining all day. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and if you want you can always give me suggestions about what you want to happen! :D Enjoy! **

I gulped hard. I hated that moment when some said they needed to talk to you. And then she added please don't hate me? What the fuck was she going to say? I nodded slightly and had this look on my face like just say it already. I could tell she didn't want to say it, but now she had to.

"Well, San… I um. I'm just…-" Spit it out mom, I thought. "I'm seeing someone else…" What? Did she just say she was seeing someone else? No, I think I heard that wrong. But… she's still married to my dad? So how is she seeing someone else.

"Your… your seeing some ELSE?" She looked down and nodded. "God mom, have some confidence. Look at me in the eye." She looked up sheepishly. "Who is it? When did it start?" So many questions raced in my head. Who was this lady I called my mother. She didn't seem like my mother at all. Then again, it made sense. This is what she was doing all those nights she came home late. I didn't want to think it, but I couldn't help thinking she was such a whore. I shouldn't feel bad because it's HER fault not mine.

"It's a man I met at work. I didn't mean for this to happen, sweetie." She tried touching my arm, but I shoved it away the tears threatening to roll down my face. "I'm sorry."

I suddenly got very angry. Which I didn't think was possible. "You're sorry? Is sorry the best word you could think of? What the hell is sorry supposed to do? Make everything better, no mother it doesn't work that way. This is all your fault. YOU broke up this family. No one else. And all you can say is you're sorry. Why did you do this to us, huh?"

She looked heartbroken, but in honestly I couldn't give two fucks. She didn't deserve _ANY_ sympathy. "I… don't know how to explain all this. It's complicated."

"Oh, okay it's complicated. That's the best response. You know what… you're just a little selfish _whore_." Woah, did I just call my mom a whore out loud. She lifted her hand and looked like she was about to smack me, but I was too fast for her. I held her hand back and said, "No mom. It's true and you know it. I know it. Dad knows it. Hell, even Ashley probably knows it. So don't blame me for speaking the truth. Isn't that one of your mottos? Oh, Santana _always_ tell the truth. You hypocrite."

"Well, I'm glad you think that of me. But, you're going to have to deal with it because your fathers moving out soon." She smirked a little, knowing she just hit it where it hurts. At that moment, I never had hated someone more in my whole life. She knew I loved my dad more, or favored him. I didn't want to live with her, I wanted to live with him. But, I knew my mom wouldn't let that happen.

"You know what, I hate you so much. I hate you because you ruined everything and you don't even care. Bye, mom I hope your glad with what you decided to do with your life." I stormed off and grabbed Brittany's hand, the tears rolling down my face, as I walked out the door. I slammed it as hard as I could.

"Fucking stupid bitch, I hate her. She can go to fucking hell." I sobbed out. I grabbed Brittany and hugged her as tight as I could. She grabbed my hand.

"Let's go to my house, San. It'll be okay. Calm down."

I was leaning against her with almost all my weight. She was pretty strong though, from being a dancer. I hated breaking down, but at least it was with her. I kept muttering stuff about my mother about how much I hate her. Brittany just kept squeezing my hand tightly and saying it would be okay.

"No Britt, I don't think it's gonna be okay. You always say that and nothing ever turns out okay for me. My life fucking sucks. Everything about it has just turned bad. I don't remember a time when my life was easy, I really don't."

She looked sad at what I just said, and I kind of regret saying it, but I knew she'd understand. "Santana, but when I say it's going to be okay it's because I know for a fact it is. You're amazing, don't you see that? Maybe your mom doesn't, maybe you don't, but I see it. You can overcome so much stuff, that I know I couldn't. You hide your feelings like no one else. And no, that's not a good thing. But, the fact that you're so good at it, is amazing. You fool everyone else. But, you can't fool me." She smiled. "So just trust me when I say it's going to be okay. Don't question it, just believe it will be, and it will. Simple as that."

Oh my god, I loved her. I loved her unlike I love my own parents. I don't remember my life without her, basically because she changed it so quick. I looked at her and then she looked at me and it was just one of those cute moments when she put her hand to my face and wiped away my tears. She kissed my forehead. We were looking in each other's eyes for what seemed like a long time and I just couldn't look away. The blue was like an ocean, it mesmerized me. The funny thing about Britt, was whatever just happened in my life that kind of sucked, she could make it better so easily.

I really wanted to kiss her, but I didn't know if I should. She still never told me how she felt. And all this stuff, was making me love her even more. Why did I have to feel this way. I mean I wouldn't change who I am, but not feeling this way would be nice. I didn't know if I was bi, or lesbian. Like, being bi is kind of easier, but then again the weird thing was I kind of just wanted to be a lesbian. Hm, that's weird. But, I don't know, guys were cute and all. Maybe, I would give them a change.

I always wondered what Brittany was thinking about, when I was thinking about this. Like if she ever thought about stuff like this. I looked up at her and decided to ask, "What are you thinking about?"

She looked surprised at the sudden sound of my voice because it had been quiet for a few minutes. "I don't know, just about what happened. I kind of heard what happened, you know. I feel so bad for you, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how you feel and I know some other stuff has been bothering you…"

I knew exactly what she was talking about. The good thing about best friends is you can know almost anything the other is thinking. Kind of like you had the same brain. "I didn't know you thought about that kind of stuff, you know? Everything right now is just really hard for me. And I really need you. You're like the one thing that actually keeps me sane." She blushed a little and smiled.

"That's what I'm here for. But… I just don't know how I feel. I mean I know you're going through a lot, but all this is kind of hard for me too. I never thought about liking girls before, and I don't know if I do or not. Just… just give me time."

I didn't know why it was hard for her. I was just Santana and she was just Brittany. What was complicated about that. But, I decided to give her what she wanted because she always helped me. "Okay, I understand. It's okay." Inside, it really wasn't okay. None of this was okay. I needed her, I wanted her. But, I could only have a part of her. Not the whole thing.

I guess I had to take what I could get. It started to rain and I actually kind of liked it. I just stood there and let the rain soak up my hair, skin, and clothes. It felt nice. I never was one for rain, because it would mess up my hair, but now I didn't care. I decided to run with Brittany, still holding her hand. We ran all the way to her house and we were out of breath by that time.

We trampled in and her parents were asleep so Brittany said, "Shhhh, my parents are sleeping." So I quitted down and tip-toed up to her bed. I took off all my clothes and put on a big t-shirt because those were my favorite things to sleep in. Brittany did the same and we went into her bed.

I almost immediately went to sleep, once again forgetting everything that happened happened just a few hours before. It's funny how Brittany made me forget everything, but in a way I loved her for that also. She was like my medicine.

We wrapped ourselves together and fell into a deep sleep listening to the calming sound of the rain.

**Well, there you have it. I have really good ideas, but they stray away from the show a lot. I'll probably do them though, to make it interesting. Anyway, now it's like 2am, because I procrastinated inbetween lol, so I'm going to sleep. Please favorite/review, it truly makes my day! Thanks a ton! :D **


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry, for takin****g so long to update :/ I guess I've just been kind of busy/lazy. Anyway, here's a new chapter and I'll try to make it extra good because of the long wait. Enjoy and review (:**

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><p>I woke up to the smell of coffee. I rolled over and felt that Brittany wasn't there. It was like this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach without her right next to me. I moved over to her side of the bed and just buried my face into her pillow. I loved the way she smelled. I can't even really describe it, just this scent of her that I could just smell forever. Okay, now I was sounding a bit creepy. But, it was entirely true.<p>

All of a sudden Brittany walked through the door. "Mmm… Brittany you smell so good!" I didn't even look at her, but I could tell she smirked.

"Well you know… I try, I try. I think it might be my mom's detergent she uses to wash my clothes. I think it's like a lavender scent or something," she said. I took my face out of the pillow and smiled at her. I knew I probably looked like shit because I was crying all night, but at this moment I didn't even care. I just wanted to forget what happened last night.

"Come over here, Britt," I said motioning with my finger for her to come. We both gave each other a sly little smirk. She climbed onto the bed and wrapped her hands around me. I buried my face into her hair and took in that wonderful smell.

I needed to kiss her right now. She was just too intoxicating. I can't handle it, there's this building up inside my body that I just need to get rid of. I didn't know if I should. _I wish I could read your mind, Britt, _I thought. I took my face out from her hair and looked into her eyes. We had this weird thing were we would have random staring contests in the middle of the day. This was one of those times; I just stared into her bright, beautiful eyes. The feeling was getting stronger. Suddenly, I leant in and kissed her on the lips hard for a few seconds.

I pulled away first and she smirked. "What were you waiting for, silly?" she said. What? She wanted me to do that?

I gave a little nervous smile and said, "I don't know… I just didn't know if you wanted to or not."

"Of course I do. If I didn't we wouldn't have done it before. Kissing you is way better than any other guys because they all think they're so cool sticking their tongues down my throat. I'm just too nice to say anything." I looked down and laughed. Wow… so she actually likes kissing me. I was honestly really surprised, but I didn't want to show it.

I gave her one last quick kiss and got up. I didn't want to stay at this house anymore and bear to look at my mom. I just wanted to be with Brittany. Everyone was starting to annoy the living shit out of me. I mean, I didn't really want to talk to anyone else. I'm just not in the mood. I just wanted Britt. All I wanted was to lay in bed with her, kiss her, and talk to her. I could never get annoyed by her, because truthfully she was the only one who gets me. Not my parents, not my sister, not my other friends. All I wanted was _her_.

"Britt, is it okay if I stay at your house for a little bit? I just… can't be here right now. I don't want to look in that bitches face right now."

"Sure, of course. My parents wouldn't care plus they're going on a vacation this whole week and I'm gonna be alone the whole entire week." I was getting very excited by this and Britt could tell. We both looked at each other and had huge smiles on our faces. I grabbed her hands and jumped up and down excitedly. We probably looked ridiculous, but who cares, right?

"Oh my god, Britt!-" I suddenly got a really good idea. "-we should have a party at your house!" She looked like she was thinking this idea through in her head.

"Well… yea I guess because by the time they're home the whole house will be cleaned. And hopefully, we don't break something again." We both laughed remembering that moment.

"Okay, I'm going to start packing some of my clothes and shit. I honestly don't even care what my parents say, I'm going no matter what." I started stuffing clothes into a duffel bag and figured I probably wouldn't need much because I could just borrow some of Britt's stuff.

I grabbed Britt's pinky and walked down the stairs. We were barely ready, but I wanted to get out of this house. I saw my mom and sneered. I went to find my dad and decided to tell him. "Dad, I'm staying at Britt's house for a week. Her grandma will be there. I have my cell. Love you, bye." I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and before he could respond I was practically sprinting out of the door with Britt in hand.

I told Britt that I wanted to get some booze, so along the way I called Puck. "Hey, me and Britt's need booze. Can you get us some?"

"What's in it for me?" I rolled my eyes.

"We're having a huge party at Britt's house and you can come. There will be a lot of hot girls their so just come and maybe you'll get lucky with one of them."

He laughed on the other line. "Oh baby, you know I'll get lucky. And okay I'll bring some over in about an hour, okay?"

"Yea, sure. Bye."

"Bye sexy." Me and Britt started cracking up when he said that. God, he's such a douchebag. But, he was getting us free booze so I guess it was all good. He probably thought he would get lucky with me. Even though that wasn't going to happen, because I was going with Britt.

When we got into Britt's house we immediately started to set up. We hid all of her parent's valuables inside a locked room. We set up drinks and snacks. She had a huge music system with like a shitload of songs on her ipod so we were all good there.

We went into her room and sat on her pink floral bedspread. I started to call people from McKinley, including the kid's from the Glee club. But, also some of the more popular kid's because we didn't want some lame party. I didn't even call that many people because I knew word would get around.

All throughout this I kept giving little looks at Britt and smiles. I don't know why, I just felt really good at this moment. Yea, I know a lot of shit was happening but all that mattered was that I was here with her. Not my parents. Not dealing with my mom's bullshit. Just here with the girl I loved. Yea, I loved her and I could confidently say that. I don't know how exactly I loved her, but I knew it was true. You can't really explain love I guess. You have to experience the feeling to know what it actually is.

I honestly didn't know what was going to happen with me and Brittany. I didn't want to push anything, but I just wanted to know what she felt. What was she thinking? Sometimes it seems like she doesn't know who or what she wants. She either doesn't think about it at all or is in denial about it. Maybe tonight after the party we could talk. Right now I was just focused on having a good time.

It was not 8 pm and we got the first knock on the door. It was Puck, Finn, Mike, and some of the other jocks. When we opened the door they looked at us up and down. "I'm here with Britts, boys. Sorry," I said giving them a little wink. I took her hand and walked away. I had them in my grasp and they followed inside. Little by little more people started to come in and the party was started.

Quinn came in around 9 and came up to us. She immediately looked at our hands intertwined and I thought about letting Britts hand go, but figured why should I care what Fabray thought. "Hey Quinn, do you want a drink?" I said offering her a red cup.

She pushed her hand in front of the cup and replied, "No thanks, I'm not planning on getting drunk tonight. I want to try to impress Finn. He'd be good for my reputation and if I look like a drunken slut then he wouldn't want to be with me."

I didn't know if I should be offended by this. Well, I wasn't going to be a slut exactly... I laughed a little in my head. "Suit yourself. Have fun, I"ll talk to you later." I walked away with Britt in hand and looked back giving her a little smirk. She gave me a confused look, but I didn't think anything of it and walked on the dance floor.

I could feel the heat and sweat in the air. There were so many people on the dance floor, more then I had expected. Everyone was paired up with someone and some of the perv guys were just dancing on random girls. I walked to the middle of the dance floor with Britt and some dance song was playing that I didn't remember the name of.

We didn't even need to dance close because it was happening for us. The other bodies around us were pushing me and Britt up against each other. I didn't mind, though. She gave a little laugh and I could smell the alcohol on her breath with a hint of minty gum. She smelled amazing again. I was starting to get intoxicated by her scent. We were dancing face to face to each other and pushing our bodies up against the other. We just started swaying to the music, Brittany taking the lead because she was, after all, the dancer of the two of us.

I put my arms around her neck and pulled her extra close for a hug. I could feel the sweat on her body up against my own. The song changed and it was _In the Dark_ by Dev. I absolutely loved this song. And I knew Britt did too. We just started dancing to the beat of the song and I felt a bolt of energy throughout my body. I mean this song helped too, like have you listened to the lyrics?

I couldn't help myself any longer there was just so much tension inside of my body that I needed to get it out. I grabbed her face, underneath her dampened hair and kissed her deeply. I didn't really care at this point who saw us. I mean no one probably was even looking because they were so caught up in what they were doing, but if they were we could just say we were drunk. It was definitely more than that, though.

I ran my tongue inside of her mouth and she groaned a little bit. I could taste the mint and alcohol in her mouth and I loved it. She pushed us closer together, even though I'm not sure that was possible being we were already so close. She bit my lower lip hard and I started going crazy. There was just so much energy built up in the lower half of my body. I was pretty sure I was about to explode. It was so hot in here. I couldn't take it anymore. I leant back from the kiss, unwillingly and grabbed Britt's hand. She followed me willingly, dripping sweat from her glistening body.

I pushed my way outside onto her balcony. There was only one other couple their making out. I took a cigarette out from my bra and found a lighter on the floor and lit it. She looked at me because I hardly ever smoked. I just needed one right now.

I took a long drag and blew it out slowly. We both sat down on the balcony and let our feet hang over the edge. The breeze was really nice and it was definitely cooling me off from the heat inside. "Sorry, I came outside, I just couldn't take how hot it was in there. And you didn't help of course."

She smirked a little and grabbed the cigarette from my hand and took a drag. She started coughing uncontrollably and I couldn't help but laugh. "Are you okay, Britt?"

She coughed out a, "Yea. Just dying of smoke in my lungs."

"No silly. You didn't do it right. Just inhale it lightly and then inhale it again so it goes straight to your lungs," I said pointing to her chest. She did as I told her and she didn't start coughing again.

"Oh San, you're such a bad influence on me! My parents were right about you," She said jokingly.

"Yea okay, YOU'RE the one who's a bad influence on me. My parents don't know the things I've done with you." I kind of gave a sly smile because she knew what I was talking about.

It was actually kind of nice having something that no one else knew about us. It was like that song _Dirty Little Secret _by the All American Rejects. Like sharing something with just that one person. It kind of makes it special, doesn't it?

"Well, you started it! And you know you like it," she replied. I couldn't argue with that statement.

"Ew, like it? I hate it. I only do it with you because I feel bad for you," I said obviously kidding. See this is why it's good having a best friend. You can joke around about things and they actually know you're joking. People who are all uptight about these kinds of things are so annoying to me.

"Keep thinking that, San. Whatever makes you feel better at night.-" I started laughing. "Anyway, do you wanna go back inside?"

"Can we just stay out here for a little bit?" I looked at her with a longing look.

She nodded and smiled. I bent backwards and took another slow drag of my cigarette giving Brittany one last look.

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><p><strong>Well was it worth the wait? I hope you guys liked my song references. I actually was listening to these songs as I was writing the story to help me with inspiration. Anyway, I think next chapter were going to have some real progress with Brittana. And maybe something else, but it's a secret ;). Please review because they make me write faster! Thanks for reading and bye for now (: <strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry again for the long wait. I'm going to try to update sooner and remember reviews help that (: Anyway **_**Santittany Fan**_**: Thank you for your review, and I'll try to add more sarcasm into her thoughts and what she says. That might be a little hard for me since all my sarcasm is quite lame and cheesy, but I shall try :D. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter because it was kind of hard for me to write. P.S. This one's rated mature, just a heads up ;) **

I stood next to the door as I said goodbye to all the partiers. I was kind of glad to see them go since it was like 3 o' clock in the morning and I was about to collapse because of how tired and hot I was. Puck walked out and gave me a kiss on the cheek and a little wink. Yea, like that was going to happen. I gave him a dirty look, but he didn't seem faltered by it. Boy, did he think he was the man. I don't even think he hooked up with any girls tonight. Now, I don't know about boys… I chuckled to myself at the thought.

The last partier left and I slammed the door shut behind them. I almost wanted to just lie down and sleep on the dirty floor, THAT'S how exhausted I was. Oh, and I forgot I was pretty drunk too. I mean I usually get tired easily, but that doesn't mean I'll necessarily go to sleep. Because I really wanted to talk to Britt and I didn't want to just go to bed with us not talking. I felt slightly uncomfortable at the thought just because I felt like I was being annoying. But, I knew that she would never think that and even if she did she wouldn't say it to me.

"WERE FREEEE!" I screamed to Brittany being she was in the kitchen. I heard her laugh and walked inside to where she was.

"Thank god, tell me it wasn't just me that by 1 o'clock wanted everybody out?" she said with a sigh. She opened the fridge and got out some milk and just started chugging it. She always had loved milk.

"No, trust me it was definitely not just you. And slow down with the milk Britt, you're going to choke and then I'll have to give you mouth to mouth," I said. Just realized that was a bad idea since she started to laugh half into a swallow of milk. It squirted out through her nose and she was cracking up. I ran over and hit her back over-exaggeratedly so she would stop coughing.

"Woah, I didn't think people could actually squirt milk out of their nose. I thought it was just something people said as a joke."

"HA. HA. So funny. I almost died because of you!" she said with a smirk.

"Well, then I just would have had to give you CPR like I said." She poked me in the ribs. "Ow, what was that for?"

"Paybacks a bitch." She smiled and started running so I wouldn't catch her. It probably wasn't a good idea that I was wearing socks in a freshly waxed floor, but what the heck, right? She ran up the stairs and almost tripped, but didn't to my disadvantage. She ran into her room and slammed the door shut right as I was approaching it. I tried opening it, but she was stronger than me and she knew it.

"Beg for me to open the door, Lopez," she said and I could tell she was pleased with herself. I chuckled to myself.

"Fine… Brittany will you _please_ open the door for me?" I said in my sweetest voice good enough. She was still pushing hard and my feet were sliding across the floor as I pushed my back up against the door.

"Nuh, uh, that's not good enough missy." If it was anyone else saying this I probably would've slapped them but now, but Britt knew she could get away with it.

"Pretty, pretty please with sugar and chocolate and sprinkles on top?" I said it extra sweeter this time. I knew Brittany couldn't resist my sweet voice.

"Okay, since you begged me, I guess I'll open the door." She suddenly opened it and I fell on top of her and we were both on the floor out of breath.

My hair was flowing on top of her face and I felt like kissing her right then and there. You always saw in the movies when the couple is playing around and then they coincidentally fall on top of each other and practically had sex. Except we weren't a couple and this wasn't a movie and we probably weren't going to have sex. _Probably. _

Brittany kind of leaned up a little bit towards me and I was surprised. She wanted to kiss me, huh? I caught on and I gave her a little smirk, she leaned up further and I didn't move an inch. She tried kissing me, but I pulled away. "Oh, playing hard to get I see?" she said leaning up even further then she already was.

I leaned in a little like I was going to kiss her, but didn't. I kept my lips lingering just millimeters away from hers. I felt her heavy breathing on me and it smelled like that minty smell I loved. I kept my lips like that for a few seconds and then let my lips graze on top of hers ever so slightly. Just to make her want it more then she already was.

Did she feel this too? This undeniable feeling throughout her whole body that screamed for something more. Something she knew she wanted but was afraid to admit? "Kiss me please," she panted out with her lips almost on top of mine.

I couldn't handle it anymore so I just crashed my lips into hers and held it there for a few seconds. I could feel her breathing get faster as she reached up to kiss me again. She opened her mouth and I followed with my hands gliding up her flat, toned stomach up to her neck. I put my hand inside her beautiful, blonde hair and grabbed onto it. I pulled it back just a little and she smiled obviously liking the feeling of controlling her. I leaned back down and let my tongue go into her mouth.

She moved hers inside of mind and the feeling of her tongue against mine was completely indescribable. She just smelled so good and she tasted so good and the feeling of her hair in my hands was just too much for me to handle. I slid my hand down her stomach and cupped around her lower parts. I started to rub outside her jeans and she let out a little moan.

My breathing got faster and I felt the lower half of my body get all tingly and the feeling wouldn't go away. I slowly unbuttoned her pants and lightly grazed her skin right above her pants line so it tickled a little bit.

I pulled her jeans off because they were in the way. She was super wet and I loved the feeling of doing that to her. I slowly slipped my fingers underneath her pink panties and put my finger inside. It slipped in easily. She moaned again and grabbed onto my hair. I pushed my fingers back and forth and I felt her body tense up as she grabbed onto my hair even harder. I didn't mind because I liked the feeling of her hands inside my hair, it felt good.

I dropped into her and our bodies collided. I moved my tongue from her mouth to alongside her jaw line. I then moved downward and started to kiss her neck softly because I didn't want to give her a hickey. I started kissing her neck and then making out with it faster pushing my fingers in and out. I felt her heat rise out of her body and onto me, like a sudden burst.

All of a sudden her body got extremely tense and she moaned really loud. I slowed down and then pulled my fingers out. She moaned again and said, "Oh my god, fuck that was amazing." I smiled and rolled over next to her giving her a few seconds to catch her breath.

I stood up and went into the bathroom, "Britt, I'm gonna go take a shower. I'll be out in like 10 minutes." I heard her mutter and okay as I hopped into the shower.

Well, I mean that was pretty amazing and obviously she liked it. But, I still want to talk to her about this all because it's really confusing for me. I just don't want to overstep or anything. How am I even supposed to bring it up without it being all awkward? _God, Santana get it together_. It's summer and I'm staying with Britt this whole week, so why should I go and potentially mess it all up by bring _feelings _into it. I never talked about feelings. Like the word itself was foreign to me. Britt, sometimes did, but I didn't know what was going through her mind about all of this.

She did have quite a complex mind, she thought differently than everyone else. Not in a bad way though. And most definitely not in a stupid way. I hated when people called her that, and I bitch slapped anyone who did. They stopped eventually because they were afraid of me, but I knew they still thought it. God, how could anyone on Earth think Brittany was stupid? They just didn't know her like I did I guess.

I realized that I was standing under hot water for like 10 minutes thinking about this, so I decided to hurry up because I didn't want to keep Brittany waiting.

I finished my shower and put on my new Victoria's Secret underwear, just in case. I slipped on a big t-shirt I got at some resort I stayed at like four years ago. And I didn't bother putting on shorts because I didn't care if Brittany saw me and I hated wearing pants or even shorts to bed. They always get all bunched up and I get all sweaty in them so it wasn't a good idea.

I slipped out of the bathroom and found Brittany awake watching some Disney show. She was probably hoping a Disney movie was on. "Oh, you're out finally. What took you so long?" I looked at the clock and realized 30 minutes has passed. _Shit._

"Oh, um, I was just thinking about stuff for like ten minutes before I actually started washing my hair," I said while wringing out my hair of the water.

"What were you thinking about?" I knew she was going to ask that. Well, I shouldn't really be annoyed by it because this was an easy opening to what I wanted to talk about. It made it easier than just bringing it up out of the blue.

She motioned for me to come over the bed by patting her hand next to her. I went over and lied down next to her. She was sitting slightly up and ran her hands through my hair slowly. Oh, Brittany why did you have to make me feel this way?

"Just stuff…-" I took a pause and I saw her waiting for an answer to explain what I was talking about -"about… us." I saw her kind of tense up a little bit because she automatically knew what I was talking about.

"Oh… what about us?" I didn't even know what to say. It was forming though.

"Well, like what does all of this mean? Like I don't know if you're just as confused as I am, or if it's just me thinking like this.I mean before all of this started I never gave the thought of liking _girls_ a chance. But, now… I don't know. This all feels right and I just wanted to know how you feel."

She looked like she was thinking about this. She was always the opened minded one about this kind of stuff, but now it seemed like she was being kind of reserved. _Why are you being so reserved, Britt?_ As if she could read my mind she said, "I never thought about it either, but I don't know how I feel. I'm kind of just scared of all this. It doesn't feel like me, but then again it does. Does that make sense?"

Well, no it didn't really make sense, but I didn't feel like pushing the matter. Maybe she was just scared? How could she be the one that was scared and not me? I'm the one who cared about my reputation and was known as the school slut for sleeping with so many boys. She was just the innocent little sweet one, who happened to get around too. I wish I could know why you were thinking like this, Britt.

When we were together, I _know_ you like it. So what's there to be afraid of? I didn't think know was the right time to ask all these questions, so I was just going to let it slide for now. Maybe, she just needed time to develop and evaluate her feelings. "Um, kind of… I just want you to know that no matter what I will always love you and just-" I paused for a second. "-take your time with all of this, okay? Pinky promise?"

She linked her pinky with mine and said, "Pinky promise. Thanks for understanding, San. I love you." She gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

Oh, Brittany why did you make me feel like this. I wish I knew if you felt it too. But, I guess I'll just have to wait and find out.

I got up without speaking and turned on the nights it was almost 4:30 AM and I was dead tired. I snuggled up to Brittany and fell asleep within a matter of minutes.

**Well, I hope you guys liked it. I originally wasn't planning for Brittany to be the unsure one, but it felt right to me so I hope it's good. I'll try to update asap so please review in the meantime and tell me what you thought (: Thanks for reading. **


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